From across miles
of dry dusty desert
I came to find Your power,
expecting You to return with me;
but You spoke a word
and at that hour
healing arrived...
When I ask for food,
You give me Bread,
more hearty than any I could bake.
You lay a feast at a stop in the road.
Again, another poem in progress. Thoughts? Recommendations for how to continue and finish it?
1 comment:
I don't think I would add more (unless you already have, in which case you should repost) since the title lets us know it's just the beginning. Although I'm curious as to the next phase . . .
Nice work! I would alleviate the "but" in line 5. Why the ellipses in line 7? They aren't incorrect, but they do seem random. Random can be good, though, if there's a method to it. Make any sense? I love the concept but want different wording for line 10. Don't think it expresses enough of the power. Somehow convey maybe that the bread fills you more than all meals you've consumed . . . or something that really reaches deeply into the power of the Bread.
This is nice! Thanks for letting a stranger give you some thoughts to use or toss . . . :) I found you from Kami's blog, btw.
Post a Comment